what can i say about an entertaining friend?
a plane goes down in the ocean about a month before we fly and what do i do? i remind her everyday we are going to be flying over the ocean.
this is the person that shouts "we're going to blow up" as we take off on a flight one day. i was ready to explain to an air-hostess that she wasn't threatening about blowing up the plane but she had turrets syndrome on take off and landings - too much "air-crash investigation" on DSTV.
i tell her a marvelous plan. if she has a broken or twisted ankle then she get a wheel chair and she gets pushed everywhere and i go with. no queues. good seats.
well, she actually did hurt her ankle but a boot was not necessary but it made for camouflage and forced a hobble. she was unaware that i was going to dump all our bags on her lap.
then there was swine flu. she emails that millions of people were dying of swine flu in Beijing and we were going to be there. i'm pretty sure it would make headlines if there were millions dropping dead. it did turn out they had guaranteed our hotel, we found out later.
she insists on gloves, hand sanitizer, masks. so off i go, knowing that masks wont help much and ask how she intends on eating and drinking on the plane. nope. shes going to keep her mask on while she does it.
we get into our comfy seats to rest her weary broken ankle and given a checklist.
does your throat hurt. she ticks, yes, its scratchy.
is you nose blocked? yes. everyone in jhb has sinus problems.
do you have a headache? yes. she suffers from migraines, a headache was common.
are you coughing. she clears her throat. yes.
this was not a good time to be a hypochondriac.
i laugh saying perhaps you dont want to tick every symptom of swine flu.
she sees an air hostess in a mask.
she goes whys she wearing a mask? why are you wearing a mask? other people aren't. jacqui, she knows something. where are the masks.
then a poor unsuspecting airhost sits down for take off. she goes. he quite cute. i agree. well jacqui do something, flirt, come on. what are you waiting for. much to his terrified eyes we are gogglling at him the whole of take off. as she grabs my hand i warn, now dont shout anything like blow up or crash. put you mask on. okay as she garbs harder. i think, oh great now we look gay.
after take-off and a couple of "looking in the opposite direction" walking past us, cutie pie was promoted to 1st class and we didn't see him again. i think we scared him. poor guy. we had a great flight. we didn't crash to her delight and we hadn't caught swine flu.
but now the mask comes on. we are in hong kong where everybody has swine flu and we are wheeled to exit. 'm running on the floor going isn't this crazy? i wonder if i'm stepping where jet li has stepped and i try and cover as much floor as possible (yes, i know we are adults). the beautiful handcrafted something on the wall was meant to be a main attraction, but i was hell bent on covering as much of the corridor as possible to step where jet li had stepped before.
we pass our papers of swine flu symptoms to a man in a mask who looks at her, with her mask on, in a wheel chair, with every swine flu symptom, except dead.
have you ever seen a Chinese person with wide round eyes. we have. now i'm cracking as there is panicked shouted order and our hostess puts on her mask and everybody cant decide to run away or towards us. masks, gloves, jackets all they needed was a space suit, suitable for my friends status of red alarm. she is quickly wheeled through to a section with all kinds of apparatus. she shouting jacqui we are going to get guaranteed and miss our tour and be stuck with people that have swine flu. her shouting and alarm didn't help much and neither did shouting "swine flu", somewhat like shouting "bomb" on a plane. Chinese understand some English. the hurried blood pressure and temperature tests, heart beats, pulse to the fear of the poor guys catching swine flu from my friend. i really did try to take a photo and managed a blurred one. i was laughing so much that i was doubled over. my phone could only take shots of my feet.
they are going to quarantine me, you cant leave me. we are going to miss the tour.
there were sighs of relief. eyes stopped the unusual, unsettling roundness. people took off the masks and i was still laughing.
it obviously hadn't been as funny for her as it was for me.
thank god i hadn't drunk much liquid on the plane.
this is the person that shouts "we're going to blow up" as we take off on a flight one day. i was ready to explain to an air-hostess that she wasn't threatening about blowing up the plane but she had turrets syndrome on take off and landings - too much "air-crash investigation" on DSTV.
i tell her a marvelous plan. if she has a broken or twisted ankle then she get a wheel chair and she gets pushed everywhere and i go with. no queues. good seats.
well, she actually did hurt her ankle but a boot was not necessary but it made for camouflage and forced a hobble. she was unaware that i was going to dump all our bags on her lap.
then there was swine flu. she emails that millions of people were dying of swine flu in Beijing and we were going to be there. i'm pretty sure it would make headlines if there were millions dropping dead. it did turn out they had guaranteed our hotel, we found out later.
she insists on gloves, hand sanitizer, masks. so off i go, knowing that masks wont help much and ask how she intends on eating and drinking on the plane. nope. shes going to keep her mask on while she does it.
we get into our comfy seats to rest her weary broken ankle and given a checklist.
does your throat hurt. she ticks, yes, its scratchy.
is you nose blocked? yes. everyone in jhb has sinus problems.
do you have a headache? yes. she suffers from migraines, a headache was common.
are you coughing. she clears her throat. yes.
this was not a good time to be a hypochondriac.
i laugh saying perhaps you dont want to tick every symptom of swine flu.
she sees an air hostess in a mask.
she goes whys she wearing a mask? why are you wearing a mask? other people aren't. jacqui, she knows something. where are the masks.
then a poor unsuspecting airhost sits down for take off. she goes. he quite cute. i agree. well jacqui do something, flirt, come on. what are you waiting for. much to his terrified eyes we are gogglling at him the whole of take off. as she grabs my hand i warn, now dont shout anything like blow up or crash. put you mask on. okay as she garbs harder. i think, oh great now we look gay.
after take-off and a couple of "looking in the opposite direction" walking past us, cutie pie was promoted to 1st class and we didn't see him again. i think we scared him. poor guy. we had a great flight. we didn't crash to her delight and we hadn't caught swine flu.
but now the mask comes on. we are in hong kong where everybody has swine flu and we are wheeled to exit. 'm running on the floor going isn't this crazy? i wonder if i'm stepping where jet li has stepped and i try and cover as much floor as possible (yes, i know we are adults). the beautiful handcrafted something on the wall was meant to be a main attraction, but i was hell bent on covering as much of the corridor as possible to step where jet li had stepped before.
we pass our papers of swine flu symptoms to a man in a mask who looks at her, with her mask on, in a wheel chair, with every swine flu symptom, except dead.
have you ever seen a Chinese person with wide round eyes. we have. now i'm cracking as there is panicked shouted order and our hostess puts on her mask and everybody cant decide to run away or towards us. masks, gloves, jackets all they needed was a space suit, suitable for my friends status of red alarm. she is quickly wheeled through to a section with all kinds of apparatus. she shouting jacqui we are going to get guaranteed and miss our tour and be stuck with people that have swine flu. her shouting and alarm didn't help much and neither did shouting "swine flu", somewhat like shouting "bomb" on a plane. Chinese understand some English. the hurried blood pressure and temperature tests, heart beats, pulse to the fear of the poor guys catching swine flu from my friend. i really did try to take a photo and managed a blurred one. i was laughing so much that i was doubled over. my phone could only take shots of my feet.
they are going to quarantine me, you cant leave me. we are going to miss the tour.
there were sighs of relief. eyes stopped the unusual, unsettling roundness. people took off the masks and i was still laughing.
it obviously hadn't been as funny for her as it was for me.
thank god i hadn't drunk much liquid on the plane.